interesting

you know what, the more I tell myself that I don't care.. the more I care. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DISTRACT MYSELF WITH. this is getting ridiculous, I don't even like you... we're not even friends... why do you have this power over me? I want things back to the way they were, when I wasn't self conscious, when I didn't think.. and then re-think absolutely everything I say thinking that oh shit, they're going to hate me even more now. judging people is not going to get you anywhere in life. you'll become a lonely old man. would you not rather have all friends instead of enemies? would you not rather just love all and be loved yourself? instead of being a self-conscious, wimpy loser? you thrive on other peoples approval. it's pathetic. really it is.

and as for you. I think the reason this is bothering me is because of the power you have over my friends. we were close friends. this is ridiculous. this is ridiculous. THIS. IS. RIDICULOUS. why are you able to live with the fact that you just dropped someone so close to you, and in the process turned everyone against that person? that is terrible, and since you're so great to everyone else.. I really can't say anything else. I wish you hadn't changed towards me.

on a happier note, I'm getting cheese and crackers and I'm stoked.