unforgettable

This is potentially my most favourite time of year, the weather is changing into the bestest kind possible - rainy, cold and windy. I love it (: plus everything at school has basically finally settled. Classes are comfortable, work load is high and everything and everyone seems basically normal. The routine of school life is set.

The music program had their first concert yesterday the annual "fall concert" woop-dee-doo. Basically and excuse for us all the practice for the upcoming band revue in a few weeks. It really astounds me how hot and humid that freaking gym gets during those concerts, you leave for like five minutes cool down breathe delicious fresh air and then come back and enter through a wall of sweaty band people heat. I was fortunate enough to experience this lovely sensation several times last night. I was SO pleased.

The one thing I have sort of a love/hate relationship with is the stress of the holidays, I love all the shopping and the getting ready and giving things to the people who matter to me, I just don't really like the whole "go make money at a really stupid crappy job and then instead of spoiling ones self with their own money go and buy for like 50 others". Yes okay so this is a bit contradictory, but hence the love/hate relationship. Love the idea, hate the execution.

I should make a list of all the people I need to buy for this year :

• Mom
• Sister x2
• Brandon
• Kirsten
• Rebecca
• Prerana
• Althea
• Kelsey
• Kristin

plus Christmas cards that I plan on making. soo...x1000000 hahahaha FACK.

I never know what to buy boys for presents :S I gotta start planning.

Interesting

that no matter how bitter you think a person is and how done you are with them, they still can manage to claw their way back into your thoughts by making up random reasons to be angry with you. just seriously, if you have so little to think about and worry then why bother with such idiotic things such as whether I intoxicatingly hug a person who I don't even remember hugging. What the hell is the big deal? calm your shit and find something better to think about. gah I'm just really upset :(

It is so cold today, Its my favourite weather evaaahh today. I haven't blogged in such a long time! I knoww everyone who reads this ( uhh no one) is probably incredibly excited with this VERY LOVELYYYYYY intellectual blog.
I got a hair cut yesterday for the first time in five years and it actually did not turn out as bad as I hoped. Its really short though and I feel bald.

I am so boring, and never have anything to say
hahaha so I will leave it at this.

<3

.

I love you so much.

.

why do I always forget this incredibly important fact in girl world. the way you talk about people, is exactly the same way they talk about you.

huh

I don't understand how someone can gain 6 pounds in one day and then lose two of them.
my weight is such a fucking crisis in my life all the time
I'M GETTING SICK OF ITTTT

.

the way I see myself, is honestly in a very strange way. I've changed immensely and I have wonderful friends and a boyfriend who love me! so, here's the thing, why is it that no matter how much people reassure me I still feel below them and inadequate? It's incredibly odd because not only is it personality, its physical attributes as well. I don't care what other people think about me, but of what I think of myself. Its so odd, because generally people care about what others think and think highly or higher of themselves. It's human nature, that statement was of course not meant to say that anyone I know is narcissistic or full of themselves, it's just how it goes. this was just a thought that happened to pass through my full and puzzled mind at the moment.

on another note, I have to go in for a seven and a half hour shift at work today and I'm kind of dreading it. mind you, I always dread going to work and it never ends up being that bad. sometimes it just goes by sooooo slooowwwlllyyyyy because of all the pick up and such. people really do dump on winners and it's so sad, I never realized before I worked there how much effort, hard work, energy, and time went into keeping the store the way it is. and I know it looks like a tornado hit it sometimes, but know that it was just cleaned five minutes before. hahaha oh well, that's life.

I'm contemplating getting sushi today because I haven't had it in a week and I feel like I'm going through relapse. Sushi is my cigarette. honestly. it's pathetic hahaha. oh well, AKARI HERE I COME! anddd it fits in with my gluten/sugar-free diet that I've started again, and I've already lost 9 pounds. I always let myself go during the summer because well lets face it, it's summer! I just know I've slipped a bit and I don't feel great but that's all changing now :)

well, we'll see what the day brings and if work is really as bad as I'm dreading it will be.

ugh

seriously, you are such a piss off. not everything has to be your way all the time because guess what most of the time you're wrong. so just grow up. you act like a twelve year old and you're definitely not so seriously just fucking stop.

fuck

one should never feel guilty about eating...
then why do I ?

holy car crash batman

its weird how much a car accident can open your eyes.

crap.

I hate it when my fb doesn't work.
plus I think I gained like 15 pounds today, considering how I ate like twice my body weight.
fuck periods,

ugh

I fucking hate hypocrisy. and when people are wrongfully mad.

great day

My day was very productive and fun,
I spent the morning with two of my favourite people, Rebecca and Kirsten :) I love hanging out with those two so much. They can always make me smile no matter what kind of mood i'm in. We stayed up till about 4 and got up at 1:30 (eep) lol then we had bagels and got driven home. The day before Kelsey Travis and Daniel came over to Kirstens for a couple of hours and we made dinner and watched friends :) It was nice

When I was home I actually managed to clean my entire room and bathroom :) I'm very pleased I had like a bag and a half of garbage. I'm stoked. I've been meaning to do that for so long and I was just so motivated.

HOORAH

come back :(

my heart is broken
I feel like i've lost a best friend.

its true

I miss my friends.
I miss them terribly.

Work tomorrow.

Weight's been gained. (fuckfuckfuck)

I want a tattoo, so badly.

I miss him too.

that is my life in a nutshell currently.


nomnom icecream.

today

today i've been feeling really weird, I had a great time with kirsten yesterday, basically just chilled all day... ate sushi watched family channel, talked it was really nice. the feeling I have is one a guilt though, so many relationships i've had have just been royally fucked and I honestly have no way of repairing them. I know its stupid to always be like " I wish, I wish!" but currently, I wish I had the power to make people forgive, and have them not be so strong in their heads that they can see the other sides of situations.

I'm going to hand out resumes and such today since I desparately need a job. something preferably that has good hours (a.k.a no closing shifts at 12am. or opening at 5am.) it would just be something good for me, plus then I'd have a reason to not sit on the couch and become a bit blob again like last summer.

eating scares me, whenever I eat I feel guilty because I never want to get back to the state I was last year... aging and weight gain scare me. whether thats vain or not... I can't help but feel that way.

someone save me from my mind.

HMM

Some guy asked me if I wanted to go blaze with him today on the bus.
oh.

fab day

Today was just awesome,
good day at school... mostly
went shopping with mom and alexa after school
bought a dress, skirt, shirt, and hoodie that i've wanted for a while
ate sushi
-WOOP-
me and alexa walked to 711 to get slurpees
that was fun :) we talked and I enjoyed it.
however, my mood has kind of deteriorated, its like... happy
but totally bummed at the same time
fix me?
kthanks!!

the ones i know i can trust.

It's a great feeling to know that you actually have people who you know you can trust with anything and know they will love you even if you do something stupid. I'm so fortunate that I have the people I have, and I just... wish they all knew how much I appreciate them. I know I come off as a crazy nut job, but my intentions are always good, its just the execution.

The people i'm talking about know who they are. <3

highschool relationships. "Best friends foreveR?" doubt it.

I don't understand how someonewhose slept with like 4 guys and dated not only one whos 5 years older, but alsolike 500 others can have the nerve to tell a person that they're disgusting fordating someone three years younger. it doesn't make sense in my mind. It'scompletely hypocritical and not to mention none of her fucking buisness. this is what happened: She saw them holding hands and decided it would be appropriate to call the boyfriend over in front of thegirlfriend. She then proceeded to tell the boyfriend that she was disgusting,that dating someone three years younger is illegal... blah blah blah. Whenshe dated a 20 year old when she was 16. YEAH! I KNOW. anyways Ijust thought that was really unclassy and tactless. The boyfriend is a good friend to me, meaning i'm going to defend his girlfriend. It's jsut RETARDED. Highschool students need to think to themselvesbefore they react to someones relationship " is this going to matter in 5 years? am i really going to remember that some guy i used to know is currently dating a girl who happens to be 3 years younger?" Who the fuck cares? my parents are 7 years apart!! and no one gives a flying fuck! good lord.

Weekenddd

WOw, I haven't posted for a while. Kirsten will be pleased >:)
I've had an absolutely fabulous weekend.

Friday- Kelsey Kirsten Katy movie/talk like mad night :D

Saturday- Hung out with Bwannndonnn<3 and went to see UP with kirsten kelsey and travis. so much fun. I also had pretty much my life made by a comment kirstens mommy made when i got out of the car. My mood was soaring!

Sunday- Church.. bah. no so fun lol but after went to a Korean Bbq for ma moommyss birthday loonch. After that me and my mom went shopping for bras. OKAY so in freaking zellerz they put the got damn bras like across the store from the fitting rooms, AND its next to a restaurant, ANDD its like right next to the mens stuff, so you have to walk basically through the whole store holding your bras, and its just.. STUPID. Oh well:P but i also got a REALLLYYYY pretty purple shirt, its like lacey at the back. omg im in love with it. However I've kind of been procrastinating socials all weekend and am going to get owned so I have to do that.

It's so weird to me that highschools almost over. only a year left! I'm going to miss it.

<3

I love our phone dates.

hi.

well today should be interesting.
I have to film a video project at the newton wave pool for stupid english class and i'm really not looking forward to it. oh my god no.
sigh, video projects always are so stressful, no one ever wants to get work done and creative visions don't usually match up.
oh well, we'll see what happens and maybe there will be some sort of cooperation =] I'll stay positive because I really don't want to be in a bad mood hee :D

I just ran and am sweaty, I shall go bathe now hahahaha

oh noesss

what happened oh best friend of
mine.
I miss thee.
Seems as though you are gone
lately.
-tear-

i'm having a posty day.

I really wish this were different. please just stop.

wow

you never fail to succeed in making me feel like absolute shit.
you're actually so mean jesus. btw, I know it was you.you're so
terrible to me I don't know why I put up with this. you treat me
as if i'm just someone you can throw off and bring back whenever
you want. you literally always forget about me and it makes me feel
awful. i'm not always going to be here. maybe you'll realize that
but as usual it will probably be to late.

true.

when and if you start to miss me you can call me okay?
im tired of being on the back burner of your life.
i will be here when you have to time.

-if you think this is about you.
then it probably is unfortunately.

:D

pistachios are the tastiest nut ever.
yumyumyummm

right then

if you're in a bad mood fine. i'm super irritable too. doesn't mean i'm going to treat you like shit because you ask a question. that actually really hurt. more then it usually would, but maybe i'm just really emotional today too from lack of sleep.

christmas is over

it's not when the 25th has past when christmas is over, its when the tree and the decorations come down christmas is truely over. and the realization sets in that the supposedly happiest time of the year is gone.

crappy feeling indeed.

you know what I hate?

procrastination.

normal day

so I woke up today thinking that I was supposed to go do two projects with prerana. her parents are on crack. this is lame, now I have to wait around great.

new years

well, another year has past, and I still feel like I haven't done anything thats worth remembering. what if this is all there is to my life? i'm so scared. I haven't been fully happy, in three years. I need my dad, and that scares me, because there is absolutely no way that that can ever happen.