(:

I just wrote, my last yellow book... EVER.
WOOOHOOOOOO so happy, this is how I felt after I was through with math.
Oh man, so happy.

On another note, my strange mood has continued on from a few days ago and I'm feeling a huge mixture of things. Happiness, Nostalgia, Embarrassment, Regret (crap.), stress and just generally like time is moving to fast for me to keep up with. But, I guess everyone's feeling like that this year, well... at least everyone in grade twelve. I keep wanting to just stop life and go back to grade nine, one of the best years of my life. I'm through dealing with this grade twelve shit. Dresses, Money, Cuba, Dry Grad, Scholarships, APPLYING! University. I don't know what to do after I graduate! and I know I can't just laze around like I would really LOVE to do. It just can't happen, should I continue with singing? Photography? or Do I try for sociology? I think singing is my best bet. But the problem is I don't want that to lead me to teaching. NEVER would I become a teacher, I just couldn't do it. My patience level isn't high enough to deal with kids who think they know better than the teacher. Which coincidentally enough is me in some classes, which is something I really regret doing in high school. I think I'm growing up - because it's becoming easier and easier for me to admit when I'm wrong. I may be a bit of a tough personality but I'm learning when to draw boundaries, something that I really used to have trouble with when I was younger.

All in all though, life is really going amazingly and everyone in my life makes me so happy. I'm so happy to have all of you, know that you're the reason I even bother coming to school in the morning and making my self do well enough to graduate.

:)

whenever I post, (rarely) it's always a bunch on the same day! hahaha.
So I had two really weird dreams last night. One involving a certain Jonas brother (wtf) andddd the other involving a lost friend. The first was funny, the second was depressing since I woke up and realized "hey shit, this is just a dream." and i've been thinking about it /bummed out all day. Oh well, it happens right? 2010, time to move on!

new year

so just like that, the time that everyone looks forward too all year is gone as fast as it came - and boy did it come fast. I feel like it didn't even happen, very depressing.

oh well, with a new year comes new hopes and new resolutions part of which was started to today with kirsten - a re-found admiration for walking :).

Life moves to fast. I'm graduating in 6 months. Holy Shit.

unforgettable

This is potentially my most favourite time of year, the weather is changing into the bestest kind possible - rainy, cold and windy. I love it (: plus everything at school has basically finally settled. Classes are comfortable, work load is high and everything and everyone seems basically normal. The routine of school life is set.

The music program had their first concert yesterday the annual "fall concert" woop-dee-doo. Basically and excuse for us all the practice for the upcoming band revue in a few weeks. It really astounds me how hot and humid that freaking gym gets during those concerts, you leave for like five minutes cool down breathe delicious fresh air and then come back and enter through a wall of sweaty band people heat. I was fortunate enough to experience this lovely sensation several times last night. I was SO pleased.

The one thing I have sort of a love/hate relationship with is the stress of the holidays, I love all the shopping and the getting ready and giving things to the people who matter to me, I just don't really like the whole "go make money at a really stupid crappy job and then instead of spoiling ones self with their own money go and buy for like 50 others". Yes okay so this is a bit contradictory, but hence the love/hate relationship. Love the idea, hate the execution.

I should make a list of all the people I need to buy for this year :

• Mom
• Sister x2
• Brandon
• Kirsten
• Rebecca
• Prerana
• Althea
• Kelsey
• Kristin

plus Christmas cards that I plan on making. soo...x1000000 hahahaha FACK.

I never know what to buy boys for presents :S I gotta start planning.

Interesting

that no matter how bitter you think a person is and how done you are with them, they still can manage to claw their way back into your thoughts by making up random reasons to be angry with you. just seriously, if you have so little to think about and worry then why bother with such idiotic things such as whether I intoxicatingly hug a person who I don't even remember hugging. What the hell is the big deal? calm your shit and find something better to think about. gah I'm just really upset :(

It is so cold today, Its my favourite weather evaaahh today. I haven't blogged in such a long time! I knoww everyone who reads this ( uhh no one) is probably incredibly excited with this VERY LOVELYYYYYY intellectual blog.
I got a hair cut yesterday for the first time in five years and it actually did not turn out as bad as I hoped. Its really short though and I feel bald.

I am so boring, and never have anything to say
hahaha so I will leave it at this.

<3

.

I love you so much.

.

why do I always forget this incredibly important fact in girl world. the way you talk about people, is exactly the same way they talk about you.

huh

I don't understand how someone can gain 6 pounds in one day and then lose two of them.
my weight is such a fucking crisis in my life all the time
I'M GETTING SICK OF ITTTT

.

the way I see myself, is honestly in a very strange way. I've changed immensely and I have wonderful friends and a boyfriend who love me! so, here's the thing, why is it that no matter how much people reassure me I still feel below them and inadequate? It's incredibly odd because not only is it personality, its physical attributes as well. I don't care what other people think about me, but of what I think of myself. Its so odd, because generally people care about what others think and think highly or higher of themselves. It's human nature, that statement was of course not meant to say that anyone I know is narcissistic or full of themselves, it's just how it goes. this was just a thought that happened to pass through my full and puzzled mind at the moment.

on another note, I have to go in for a seven and a half hour shift at work today and I'm kind of dreading it. mind you, I always dread going to work and it never ends up being that bad. sometimes it just goes by sooooo slooowwwlllyyyyy because of all the pick up and such. people really do dump on winners and it's so sad, I never realized before I worked there how much effort, hard work, energy, and time went into keeping the store the way it is. and I know it looks like a tornado hit it sometimes, but know that it was just cleaned five minutes before. hahaha oh well, that's life.

I'm contemplating getting sushi today because I haven't had it in a week and I feel like I'm going through relapse. Sushi is my cigarette. honestly. it's pathetic hahaha. oh well, AKARI HERE I COME! anddd it fits in with my gluten/sugar-free diet that I've started again, and I've already lost 9 pounds. I always let myself go during the summer because well lets face it, it's summer! I just know I've slipped a bit and I don't feel great but that's all changing now :)

well, we'll see what the day brings and if work is really as bad as I'm dreading it will be.

ugh

seriously, you are such a piss off. not everything has to be your way all the time because guess what most of the time you're wrong. so just grow up. you act like a twelve year old and you're definitely not so seriously just fucking stop.

fuck

one should never feel guilty about eating...
then why do I ?

holy car crash batman

its weird how much a car accident can open your eyes.

crap.

I hate it when my fb doesn't work.
plus I think I gained like 15 pounds today, considering how I ate like twice my body weight.
fuck periods,

ugh

I fucking hate hypocrisy. and when people are wrongfully mad.

great day

My day was very productive and fun,
I spent the morning with two of my favourite people, Rebecca and Kirsten :) I love hanging out with those two so much. They can always make me smile no matter what kind of mood i'm in. We stayed up till about 4 and got up at 1:30 (eep) lol then we had bagels and got driven home. The day before Kelsey Travis and Daniel came over to Kirstens for a couple of hours and we made dinner and watched friends :) It was nice

When I was home I actually managed to clean my entire room and bathroom :) I'm very pleased I had like a bag and a half of garbage. I'm stoked. I've been meaning to do that for so long and I was just so motivated.

HOORAH

come back :(

my heart is broken
I feel like i've lost a best friend.

its true

I miss my friends.
I miss them terribly.

Work tomorrow.

Weight's been gained. (fuckfuckfuck)

I want a tattoo, so badly.

I miss him too.

that is my life in a nutshell currently.


nomnom icecream.

today

today i've been feeling really weird, I had a great time with kirsten yesterday, basically just chilled all day... ate sushi watched family channel, talked it was really nice. the feeling I have is one a guilt though, so many relationships i've had have just been royally fucked and I honestly have no way of repairing them. I know its stupid to always be like " I wish, I wish!" but currently, I wish I had the power to make people forgive, and have them not be so strong in their heads that they can see the other sides of situations.

I'm going to hand out resumes and such today since I desparately need a job. something preferably that has good hours (a.k.a no closing shifts at 12am. or opening at 5am.) it would just be something good for me, plus then I'd have a reason to not sit on the couch and become a bit blob again like last summer.

eating scares me, whenever I eat I feel guilty because I never want to get back to the state I was last year... aging and weight gain scare me. whether thats vain or not... I can't help but feel that way.

someone save me from my mind.

HMM

Some guy asked me if I wanted to go blaze with him today on the bus.
oh.