today

today i've been feeling really weird, I had a great time with kirsten yesterday, basically just chilled all day... ate sushi watched family channel, talked it was really nice. the feeling I have is one a guilt though, so many relationships i've had have just been royally fucked and I honestly have no way of repairing them. I know its stupid to always be like " I wish, I wish!" but currently, I wish I had the power to make people forgive, and have them not be so strong in their heads that they can see the other sides of situations.

I'm going to hand out resumes and such today since I desparately need a job. something preferably that has good hours (a.k.a no closing shifts at 12am. or opening at 5am.) it would just be something good for me, plus then I'd have a reason to not sit on the couch and become a bit blob again like last summer.

eating scares me, whenever I eat I feel guilty because I never want to get back to the state I was last year... aging and weight gain scare me. whether thats vain or not... I can't help but feel that way.

someone save me from my mind.